Speak Good English

Ever since I came over, I've had many encounters with bad english.... I've been trying to keep a mental note of them so that I can have a good laugh whenever I feel bored or unhappy. But I think I shall share it with everyone to spread the joy a little!

Can you help me repair my english?
Yes, and I'll help repair your motorcycle along the way too.

Vietnam exploded 3 records in the SEA Games.
So are the sportsmen who exploded the records still in one piece?

Are you fear when u ride the motorcycle?
I turn into this scary monster known as FEAR when I ride the motorcycle!

I'm going Batam.
Oh you mean Vietnamese know about Batam? I thought it was more of a Singaporean destination. Apparently, the sentence should read: I'm going part-time.

Do you have fruit milk in Singapore?
My reply: Of course! We have strawberry milk, banana milk, and many others.....
Turns out that my friend was asking if I have ever eaten this local fruit known as a milk fruit (bu sua).

I want to down my trash!
Eh?! You want to throw your rubbish downstairs?
What he really was trying to say was: I want to reduce my stress.....

The next sentence was from an email. I still have no idea what my friend is trying to say to me..... I have not met him yet, so I can't ask him about it.
untill that time, i think ultimate girf not late.
At the end of it, he wished me a marry christmas.